Saturday, January 28, 2006


I’m not gonna lie to you, today was a good day. It really was. I got up this morning, did my Latin. (And got it almost all done, too!) Took a shower, straightened my hair and watched House. (Three patients come in complaining of leg pain. . . . )

And that was a couple of days ago. I don’t remember where I was going with this post, but it was somewhere, I promise you this. :) (Don’t hate me because I’m scatterbrained. . . .) In between the beginning of this post and now, I’ve gotten sick a couple of times and been very blah, but things are very much looking up right now. Today was great. I have come to realize how much I love our Schola. I mean really, I miss them so much when I’m at home. I want to put them in my pocket and take them home with me. Got an omelet at brunch (too many onions, but that’s normal.) Talked to Joe for the first time in forever. That was fun. And then, sad news. The Legion of Mary marches on, so it was time for the Pilgrim Virgin to leave our wing. We’ve had her since before Christmas break, so I’ve gotten very used to her being in our hallway. (Don’t worry, I’ll get over it.) Then it was guy’s open house. Haha. Liz and I dropped by the basement of Ben’s where we were told that God hates us because we were wearing pants. Lovely. Then we swung by the dungeon and saw Matt & Andrew. Matt showed me what he has done of the movie so far. W00t! I’m so excited for the film fest. Except I realized that his lead actress was a little chubby. Hmm. . . workout time for me. We met up with Pete and took him over to Kevin’s to see Claire. It was so cute, we were walking over there and she was walking back to campus and they ended up running towards each other in the middle of a field. I have to say, that’s one of the cutest, funnies, corniest things I’ve ever seen. :) Really, it was great. Once we got over to Kevin’s, we found out that Monica was completely schooling all the guys in SSX Tricky. None of the guys would even play with her in the room, she was so much better. Eventually they broke out the Tony Hawk and I didn’t feel so video game illiterate. Collin showed me the music video that he, his little brother, and Joe made. Strawberry chicken and macaroni and cheese, ah! It was soo cool. I walked around singing it for the rest of the day. He he. Super was awesome. I got to talk with one of the guys who graduated last year. He’s a fun kid, you should read his blog.

Here comes the really BIG news. So I was on the phone with my mom and she had this wild hair to call my aunt, not her sister, my dad’s sister. Yea, that in and of itself is not normal. Apparently my brother and sister want to meet me. I didn’t even know they knew I existed!! Yea, it’s so crazy. I am, like, freaking out excited. I never counted them as part of my family, because I’d never met them and figured they didn’t count me as part of theirs. But yea. My brother just got married and my sister has two girls. So I’m an aunt! And they may know where my dad is. This is all stuff I’ve been dreaming about since I was a little girl. Absolutely nuts, I tell ya. :)

Tuesday, January 24, 2006


I have a headache.

I have decided that Excedrin has the potency of water.

You can tell the Excedrin people I said that.

Expect a post about the March for Life some time in the near future.

Now I'm going to sit in the blessed quite darkness of my room and try to figure out ways to procure morphine.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

It All Begins With A Salted Drink

So my string of stupidity has slowed to, well, right now, none. Not that I've been doing extremely intelligent things, mostly just normal stuff. I'm getting back into the swing of school. Although I've found out that the school I'm swinging with does not love me. Or at least as much as they love Dominick. This much is true. They would rather talk about him than me. Oh well, that's okay.

It was sad, though. As I have expressed before, I'm going some weird kind of, not really an identity crisis, but an I-don't-have-a-home-and-that-makes-me-sad crisis. It's weird. I guess I've just realized that I can't live with my mom forever (nor do I want to) and I can't stay at Christendom forever (nor do I want to), so where to? What for? And how so? It doesn't help that my best friend has recently acquired a boyfriend. Nope, that does not make it nicer. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for her. He's a great guy and they are so cute! I'm a hopeless mess. Oh, poo. Okay, those last two lines were written by my friend Hich who is a weird but fun kid. He's a good guy, go read his blog. Anyway, as I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted, I'm really happy for Liz & Joe (and Claire & Pete, and Laura-friend & Mike, and Katie & Sam, and Megan & Ed, and Ryan & Maria). I guess the thing is I see all my friends have that special someone who kind of makes this place home. Granted I really don't want a boyfriend. And it's not that they spend too much time with their boyfriends either, it's just me being in a funk.
Matthew 8/Luke 9 has been giving me quite a bit of comfort, though. "The foxes have holes, and the birds of the air nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head."

The pagans have a few things to say about it, too. We're reading the Aeneid right now in English. It seemed like for Aeneas, the last straw was the storm and then he started whining. I guess my whining started after being rejected by my nuns. Not that I've really been doing it out loud (I would have hopefully been slapped by now), mostly just feeling sorry for myself in my head. I guess if Aeneas gets yelled at for whining after his city is destroyed, his wife killed, wandering all over, thinking he lost a bunch of his men in a storm, and not knowing where he is, I can deal.

Happier news, Laura-friend and I have started up another prank war. She salted my drink, I put pepper in her bed, she nailed my backpack to my dorm room wall, I chucked her keys from the second story of the library. Granted she got them back without any trouble, so now I have to think of something good to do to her. Something bigger than a backpack as a wall hanging. Any suggestions?

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

String Of Stupidity

Lately I've been doing really dumb things. There was the driver's license incident at the airport. Then, remember that one book I had to buy? I messed that up and bought the wrong book. Not only that, but Liz was with me and she grabbed what I got. :P I thought one was supposed to be simpler. Occam's razor and all. Oh well. Then this morning, I got all excited because Mom had gotten me a few new shirts to take back to school with me. I found this really cool purple sweater. Claire gave me a funny look when I put it on and said, "Nice sweater." As if it really wasn't. I blew it off, because I knew it was cool. I realized I still had her purple eye shadow from Winter Formal. I put some on and said, "Oh, by the way, this is yours." "Yea I know." But she hadn't even looked up. She then went on to comment about the sweater. I told her that I'd been talking about the eye shadow and that Mom had just gotten the sweater for me. We ended up going back and forth for about 15 minutes trying to figure out who owned the sweater. We came to the conclusion that we both have the exact same sweater. Towards the middle of the day I realized that the sweater Mom had boughten was orange and I, indeed, was wearing Claire's sweater. That was fun to explain.

Other than me being stupid, things have been going well. Today was the first day of classes. I ran around the dorm this morning yelling, "FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL! FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL! Wake up Dad, we're going to be late! Have you ever seen a shark? Sandy Plankton has. Do you know how old sea turtles are? Sandy Plankton says they can be a-a-hundred years old!" Apparently I even was able to sound like Nemo when I did that. :) So I started flapping one of my arms spasmodiclly. I think my enthusiasm for mornings will be gone by tomorrow. I'm happy classes have started, though. I'll get back into a scheduel. I'm really going to try to bring my grades up this semester. It's funny, I actually want to study. In my room, nontheless. Syd and I rearranged the room. Actually, Joe did. Syd and I just pushed stuff around after he moved the big stuff. I can't say that I've seen much funnier than Joe setting Syd's bed down on top of himself. That's quality right there. I now can study in my room. Although I'd told the guys I'd play poker with them. So I started studing, then felt really guilty, because I told them I'd be there. I'm pretty sure this is the first time in my life I felt guilty for studing and not playing poker. So I went down to Joe's and hung out for awhile. Didn't actually buy in, though. It was nice, Trish was there, so I wasn't the only girl. She was doing pretty well, too. (That is until she went all in against Ben. :P)

I definitely think classes are going to be my main fun. How sad is that? My mom would think that's great. It probably is. I might even be able to go to Rome sometime before I graduate if I get those stupid little buggers up. I guess I just don't really care about grades. I care about classes and I care about learning, but I don't usually get too worked up about what letter the school gives me. In high school that didn't matter, because they seemed to give me the first two letters of the alphabet without much trouble or care. (This is assuming math doesn't exist.) But it seems like colleges like to wade into the alphabet a bit more. The third and fourth letters seem to suit them better. Although last year there was one class I didn't care about. And now I am an old person in a freshman class. Oh fun for me. Actually, it is kind of fun for me, because I know what I'm doing, and I've got a great teacher this time around.

I'm going to go do homework now. Please, write that down on the calander.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Not An Intelligent Person

Well I'm back. It's time for studying, running around campus, going to class, eating yucky food, living in a small space with way too much stuff and generally being a college student. The plane ride here was fairly uneventful, except taht I thought I didn't have my driver's licence, so I had to go through extra security. (Not too bad.) But then later found it in my back pack. Way to go Phantom. And the airline stewardess sounded like a female chipmuck. Seriously, if you took the drunk lady off of Will and Grace (I hate that show so much) and put it with a cheerleader, that's about what she was. So funny. She had the whole plane cracking up. Also on the plane I met a very nice girl who's from about a half an hour away from where I live and she goes to college at Patrick Henry (not far from Christendom)! I thought that was great. Katie picked me up, as usual. We went to a Middle Eastern resturant and got some hot pepper hummus and pieta bread. Pretty darn authentic if you ask me. Although the pieta bread was a bit fluffier in Israel. It was fun to be back at Katie's house. I really like her whole family.

And then back to school. Ahh! Lets go say hi to everyone! No, not so much. I was happy to see everyone, I just didn't feel like getting all worked up about it. Really, this semester I was to just do my homework, have a little fun, get to class, get to Mass, and get to sleep. I don't want any drama. I don't want to be angry, or sad, or overjoyed, or anything. I just want to be content and not have any excitement. Wow, I am a hobbit. I'm excited for classes to start. Check that, I'm excited for metaphysics to start. :)P That should be a fun class. And great news! I only had to buy one, count it, one book for this semester!!! How freaking cool is that? Little Phantom happy dance. :)

All in all, I'm glad to be back at school. I think this semester is going to be good. But I'm going to lay down now.

Friday, January 13, 2006

The Cow Jumped Over The Moon

I haven't ridden a horse in about a year and a half. This has made me very, very sad. Kali decided this needed to be remedied. So we got out her horse, Cookie (she didn't name him). He's a paint gelding that they just got this summer. He hasn't been out for most of the winter due to a lack of non-slippery place to ride. I was worried, because I'm a bit better, but still weak and I move slow. Quick reaction time is a really nice thing to have around horses, especially ones you don't know! But the drive to ride was stronger than any worries. We got him brushed and tacked up and led him out to the road, because the yard and fields were covered in ice, snow, mud, and puddles. Not prime (or safe!) riding conditions. The gravel road, however, was much better. It was awesome just brushing him. I didn't even realize quite how much I've missed working with horses.

Kali got on him first to work out some kinks. He was full of himself and ready to go, but seemed a bit nervous. I chalked it up to him being away from the other two horses in the herd. He kept trying to turn and go back to the barn, but Kali managed him pretty well. She got him going down the road away from the farm quite a ways. I stood on the road waiting for her to come back. I began to wonder if I was going to be able to control this horse. I knew I was weak, but not sure of how much, and didn't want to test it on an unruly horse. But things started looking up for Kali and Cookie seemed to tame down. I started looking at the cats and the trees and the fields. Rapid hoof beats brought me out of my zone. I turned and saw Cookie quickly cantering towards me. I was very curious why Kali had him going so fast. But they were too far away for me to say anything. Cookie finally got close enough for me to yell, but then I noticed that Kali wasn't in the saddle. Carp. I stopped watching Cookie for a second and saw Kali walking a ways behind him. Cookie cantered up to me and I caught him and walked him back to Kali. She said he'd spun around quickly and suddenly there was no horse under her. I've had that one happen to me before! I suggested we lunge him a bit to get some energy out and then get her back up in the saddle. So she grabbed the lunge line and whip and the fun began.

I assumed, because Cookie was fairly well trained, that he knew how to lunge. Wrong! So we had lunging 101. I spent about 45 minutes trying to get him to go in a circle and not either A) run away from me B) run into me C) spin around and tangle himself up in the lunge line. My arms are still sore. It was fun for Kali to watch, though. After awhile he seemed to get the picture, but it still wasn't what I'd call great lunging. (If my riding instructors had seen me, they probably would have died.) It was at this point I decided that maybe if Kali rode Cookie and I rode Silver (her younger sister's Welsh pony), that might help things. So Kali grabbed Silver and put a bridle on him. (The saddle is too small for posteriors such as mine, so it was bareback time.)

I've never been fond of ponies. I think they give people a false sense of security by being small. I know by nature they are more ornery and I've been spoiled enough to ride Arabs. I have ridden a couple of ponies. One was a Shetland who wrote the book on how to annoy a rider. Seriously, I've never had an animal try so hard to unseat me. (But he didn't!! Shazam!) The other was a Shetland/Morgan cross, so she was sweetly ornery, if that makes any sense. I don't really have a problem with ponies, I'd just rather ride a horse. But I knew Kali needed to get back up on Cookie and I didn't think I could handle him from up top and I looooove to ride bareback. The only problem is getting on. Back in the (healthy) day, I used to jump up on "my" horse bareback without much of problem. I figured I could do it with this pony. I tried four or five times to no avail. I finally asked Kali for a leg up and she let me put my muddy boot on her knee and jump. Unfortunately for me, I jumped with the same amount of force I'd being using before. I did something I had teased one of my fellow riders about relentlessly for months after she did it. With an, "Oh [edited]!" I went right over and landed on my face in the mud on the other side. I wasn't hurt. The ground was soft. My elbow actually went into the soft dirt about five inches. But I was covered in mud and dirt and Kali saw the whole thing. Needless to say she laughed at me. But the second try proved successful and I was riding tall. For a short while at least. Kali got on Cookie and things went okay, but I could tell that I wasn't nearly strong enough to control Silver and that I was fighting a losing battle. I ened up doing a emergency dismount and led him around for awhile so Kali and Cookie could work stuff out. Even though I didn't get to go for a big trail ride, it was still so much fun. I got to do the thing I love most in this life.

Eat At Joe's

It has been many moons since I traveled that old familiar road. Too long. I think it was Thoureau who said "the grass never grows tall between the houses of good friends." Unfortunately, this wasn't the case. Since I went off to college, I've felt very off kilter as to where 'home' is. I like my cozy little house on the corner, but even in high school it was 'home.' That was reserved partly to the apartment we used to live in and more so to my grandparents' farm. But the longer I lived in the town I'm at now, the less my old town and the farm seemed like home. Then college. Now that seems like home, but it's recently hit me that I will only be there for a maximum of 7 semesters, more likely 4 or 5. So that can't be home. The people can be 'home' in the sense that people give you that 'home' feeling. But they are not a place to live. I resigned myself to not have a physical 'home.' Like I said before, I have a nice house, but it's not quite home.

I think for a house to be a home, it needs A) family (most important) and B) be in the country or small town and C) not be a cardboard box or really gross or something, although I think a sod house could be home. I'm so weird. :P

It was a few days ago that I went down to visit my bestest friend in the whole wide world, Kali, before she goes off to Iraq. She lives about 3 or 4 hours from me, but we managed to see each other. In high school, mom would work Christmas and I would spend it with them. Plus I would usually come for a couple of weeks in the summer. I would also see her at retreats and camp. I really felt like I was part of the family and that her house was my second home. I would treat her younger brother and sister like the siblings I never had and I think they thought of me as another older sister. (Although I never really saw her older brother as a brother.) Her parents had no problem asking me to help out with chores or giving me Christmas presents or asking me to help with retreats or help with me with problems or any other normal family things. I really was at home there. But I really haven't gotten a chance to visit since I've been sick. (A year and a half.)

It was when we hit the sign that says "Eat at Joe's" that I realized just how much I missed them all. I was very happy to find out that, while Kali's younger brother was now in high school and looks it, and the house was redone, there was still a place there for me. I felt like I had come home. We got there in time for supper. We all sat down to eat and I fell into their regular dinner conversation like I'd never left. Now that is home.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Looking for a Window

Imagine it's daytime and you're in a room with heavy drapes or shutters over the windows, but the door is open, letting in the beautiful sunshine. You are walking towards the door to go outside into that warm sunshine, when a strong wind comes and slams the door shut in your face. Now not only need to redirect your path, but you don't know where to go because it's dark. So you fumble around the room trying to find a window or a lightswitch or something to give you direction.

That's how I feel. They say when God closes a door, He opens a window, and I believe that. I just have to find the stupid thing. Patience young grasshopper. I just have gotten so frusterated recently, because I don't know what goal I'm working toward. (Well, Heaven, obviously, but in this world I don't know where I'm going.) I guess it just feels like my life is meaningless right now.

Yesterday morning at Mass, Fr. Z. (God bless him), during the prayers of the faithful, added, "For all those who feel like their life is meaningless." Okay. I can do this.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Wisdom From Aunt May

I believe there's a hero in all of us that keeps us honest, gives us strength, makes us noble, and finally allows us to die with pride. Even though sometimes we have to be steady and give up the thing we want the most. Even our dreams.


I wasn't feeling well, so I decided to watch Spiderman 2. (I'm excited. I just got it!) I was in a bad mood. One of those I-don't-know-where-my-life-is-going-why-am-I-sick-the-nuns-don't-want-me-I-really-should-know-Latin-better-maybe-I-should-just-give-up-and-major-in-poli-sci moods. Dreams are a funny thing. Some people have that one dream all their life and that's what they work their whole life for. Some switch dreams over and over. I have to say I'm more the latter. When I was little, the dreams were a little more constant. First I wanted to be a vet. That stayed until high school when I hit a little thing I like to call advanced math. *jibbly* Then I decided to move to Austria and join the Spanish Riding School. Then I realized that I'm a girl and they don't let girls in. Okay, guess not. Once I hit junior/senior year, I began thinking about things like English and History. I really, really was going to double major in English and History. Now, just a few short years later, the idea of majoring in English makes me want to puke. I'd do Classics first. History is still awesome, but if I'm going to major in something unpractical, it's gonna be philosophy. PHILOSOPHY ROCKS!!!!! Sorry, just had to get that out of my system.

I'm really not that worried about what I'm going to major in anymore, although sometimes I think if I just majored in poli sci, life would be so much easier and it's pretty close. . . . No, what I'm wondering is what I'm going to do with this oh-so-lovely degree (assuming I graduate.) The obvious is grad school. I mean, what am I going to do with a BA in philo?! But what if prince charming does exist? Or I get better? Does that then mean that I do have a vocation? So confused.

Whatever tomorrow brings,
I'll be there with open arms and open eyes, Yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there..I'll be there.
Do do do do do do do do do do do

Thank you Incubus, I needed that smack in the face. Sometimes I forget that this is my time to chill. I never thought I'd say this, but I think I need to go to California.

New Blog

Well, I caved. I couldn't decide between making a new blog and reviving my old one. As you can see, I made a new one. The old one is deleted. That makes me kind of sad, but no one reads it, not even me, so why should it take up space? It shouldn't. That's exactly what I thought. So here we go all WP all the time. Call the press.

The first thing of substance I'm going to write: I really want some mashed potatoes.