Wednesday, July 26, 2006

The Lake House

My uncle has a cabin at a lake fairly near by. Bob and I have gone there a few times so far. I've met to blog about this before, really I have, I promise. Anyway, My aunt and uncle have three little girls and they are so cute!! The last time we were out there, I brought my suit, but wasn't planning on swimming, because we were only staying for a few hours. As I got in the water with the six enthusiastic kids (extra cousins were over), I said, "And I wasn't going to go swimming." Bob laughed, "Then why are you?" "Peer pressure." Bob looked at me, "From preschoolers?" Yea, I guess so. Maggie came with us once and we had a good time. We baked in the sun. I turned gloriously bronze (slightly off white) and Maggie turned really, really red (scarlet.)

Here Maggie, the oldest of the three girls, and I enjoying the water.

You would totally go swimming if she asked you. You know you would.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Funny Picture

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Rumor Has It

"That movie is about my family! We are the Robinsons!"
I have to say, that would be warped, very warped. But that's exactly what happens in Rumor Has It. It's a movie based on The Graduate. I'm generally not a Jennifer Aniston fan. I think she's a dufas. Actually, she's a pretty good actress, but she's in dufas movies and TV shows. This one, however, was good. It was ironic and weird and twisted and left you shaking your head and shuddering, trying to not think about it. If you didn't like The Graduate, DO NOT see this movie, it takes it to the next step. But if you liked it and found it deliciously twisted, you might like Rumor Has It. It needed more Simon & Garfunkel, though. It also gave me some interesting thoughts on sleeping around. (Oh that was a weird sounding sentence, hear me out.) It is a main stream movie, so it was assumed that everyone slept around. (Except in Pasadena, no one has sex in Pasadena, there is a rule.) Anyway, Jennifer's character was freaking out, because she slept with a man who had also slept with her mother and her grandmother. But who else had this man slept with? Probably many, many other women. She wasn't concerned with them. Or how about her? Or her fiancee? If you start concerning yourself with these things, I think you can quickly see what a mess it makes. The whole mother and grandmother thing is kind of extreme, but I think it makes a very good point. Where does it stop? And what if her sister ran into this guy at a bar or something? It's like one of those ice breaker games where everyone stands in a circle and grabs peoples' hands and then try to get untangled. Even though people may have good intentions, usually at least someone gets hurt and nothing gets untangled.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Blood Pressure Meds

For those of you who don't know, I have low blood pressure. Really, it's not high, it's low. I try to do things to raise my blood pressure. I have found something. It's not extra fluids, it's not salt, it's not even support hoes. Nope, it's secular philosophy class. I think, for about a 2.5 hour block of time today, my blood pressure was normal to high. (That is, until I got home and watched Gilmore Girls. If you ever want to calm me down, just shove an episode of the Gilmore girls in front of my face, preferably not season six.) In class today, we finished up discussing whether or not we have free will. (Luckily, most of the class decided that we did.) We then moved on to right and wrong. Now, I really feel that my role in this class is one of an observer. Sort of a philosophical anthropologist. I am only there because the professor was kind enough to let me sit in without paying. I do say stuff when people get totally out of wack. But this was too much. When one student proclaimed that morality is defined only by what the culture believes is right and wrong, I couldn't even speak. It's one thing for a nonthinking teenie bopper (or teenie bopper wanna be) to say something so ridiculous. But a student of philosophy. Someone who claims to study the science that is the handmaid of theology, the highest possible science?! No!! My brain just rejected it. As I was leaving, I really wanted to wing my coffee cup at his head. Of course I didn't do it, but I wanted to. That's how at a loss for words I was. I think that was one of those times that TJ says you're supposed to beat the person with a stick until they agree. Granted, I really don't think that's the best idea, but it was an appealing one. Anyway, I'm getting a taste of how the "real world" thinks and that's what I wanted. So I should be happy. And I am. And now I'm going to go pray for the souls of my classmates.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Windy Hill Radio

I am freaking out excited. My friend Basil has been kicking around the idea of a Catholic internet radio. Very soon after he started telling people about it, he had a new computer and $400 donated to the cause. Pretty soon he was all set up. Unfortunately, we don't have a bishop right now, so the diocese has asked him to wait until we get a bishop. The other night he e-mailed a priest from our diocese who works in the Vatican. That night Meche and I had thrown rocks at his window at 10 pm after he'd announced he was going to bed. He claimed that because he needed to be at work by 7:30 am, he had to go to bed at that strange hour. Then next morning I popped my head into his office bright eyed and bushy tailed at 11:30 am after having gone to bed at 3 or 4 am. I was going to boast, that even though I was able to get up later, I still had less sleep. (Which was my own darn fault and not really a sign of intelligence.) But as soon as I walked into his office, he greeted me with, "Guess who I got a call from this morning?" "Uh, who?" "The Vatican!" "Oh." All thoughts of who got how much sleep fled from my head. It turns out that the priest (monsignior) had called him back and informed him that Pope Benedict would be very excited and interested in hearing about this radio station. He proceeded to give Basil a mailing address for the Pope. I was shocked and awed. The web site is Anyway, so as soon as we have a bishop, the radio should be up and running. W00t.

Friday, July 14, 2006

Lot In Life

I didn't realize it until I read a comment by my dear Maybef. Part of the reason I've been so frustrated lately, is because I feel useless. I feel bad, because I'm pushing my mom and myself further and further in debt every semester. I would feel, at least a little better if I could get a summer job to pay at least some of it now. Granted I do some work around the house. But I feel really bad when Mom is running around the house trying to get things done and I'm laying on the couch. (Not because I want to be.) Anyway, anyway, that's not what this post is supposed to be about. I'm sure you all are sick of my "realization" posts by now, but tough! It's my blog. Hehe! Lately I've been dreaming of being able to pay back my debts, and heck, while I'm dreaming, pay off my mom's debts, too. But MB's comment stopped me short (and made me cry.) I find it truly funny and ironic that I passionately wanted to join the Hawthorne Dominicans, partly to help people realize that just because a person can't work, or even dress themselves, that they are still a human being deserving our love, attention, respect, and help. After that fell through, I settled on bioethics, so I could help the elderly, the unborn, and the very sick. So other people would know that they deserve the same as anyone who "pulls their own weight." Somehow in all of this, I managed to overlook myself. Silly, huh? I'm ready to crusade for other people who don't have a voice because of age or infirmity, while belittling myself for the very same thing! I've been waiting for the day that I'd be able to "pull my own weight" again. When I could get out into the world and work, earn a living, and do some good. But I've almost completely overlooked the fact that I am still a person with worth as I am. I can help people and hopefully lead them to God even when I'm sick. So I guess I'm just trying to say, thanks Mary Beth. Thank you for reminding me that I'm a human. :)

Monday, July 10, 2006

Descartes for Dummies

First of all, I would like everyone to know that I exist. And that the external world exists. Really it does. It's there. I promise. Everyone really does exist, even Faz. Backing up, second session of summer classes have started. Environmental biology got cancled, so I'm on to some other interesting things. I'm taking American Government, because despite taking it twice in high school (the dangers of going to three different high schools), I still don't feel like I know enough to be an active and responsible citizen. (But I mean, hey, I know English, that's more than many!) Anyway, my prof is a good solid Catholic who I've seen at church stuff for years now. I'm going to beg and plead and make cookies for Dr. Keats and hopefully he'll let me count that towards a poli sci credit. (The master is picky about creditssess, precious.) Oh that was weird. Anyway, how many credits does one need for a minor? I'm also sitting in on the intro to philosophy class. Basil thinks I'm absolutely nuts for taking a class that I'm not getting credit for. I'd just love to introduce them to Fidelio! Anyway, the philo prof is absolutely thrilled to have someone intersted in philo. (NSU has a philo department of, maybe two classes.) He almost fell over when he asked the class what philosophy was and I responed, "The love of wisdom." But I think the class is going to be hard. Not like it's going to be a lot of tests or reading (not that it would matter if it was, I'm not getting a grade!), but in the though process of the prof. He seems like a nice enough guy who's really interested in what he's doing, but I almost jumped him when he said that it was the questions that were important and not the answers. Ahhh! I just finished the first reading assignment. It was all Descartian, "How do we know the world exists" crap. I really wish I'd been in Cuddeback's human nature class right now. O'Herron just said that if you didn't believe that world existed, you were stupid and needed to get out of his classroom. Dan S. tried to argue with him, but that didn't work out so well. :P Anyway, I think this class is going to be very educational for me. I will be very interested to see how people justify bad philosophy.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Baby Steps

These last two years have been very different than the other years of my life. It's funny, I wanted to join the Army so badly before, and even after I got sick. One of the things basic training does, is tear you down and build you back up the way they want. I feel like, even though I haven't had to get up at 3 or 4 in the morning or do push ups until I fall on my face or get hit with bars of soap in socks (really, they do that) or anything like that, I feel like I've gone through my own basic training.

Lately, especially, I've grown increasingly distraught about my future. I don't know what kind of job I can get, physically. And it's not like I'm rolling in money. I'm pretty far in debt with my two years of higher education thus far. And after two more, I'm not sure what I'm going to be able to do as far as paying that back. I know my mom will do everything she can to help, but she is mortal and has her own bills and limitations. (That do not allow for paying back private college tuition and large medical bills.) I was beginning to (only half jokingly) think that my only option was going to be marrying a very, very rich man.

One night I was laying in bed. I was thinking about what I used to have in life. A GPA most students would give their left leg for, a plan after high school that was attainable, interesting and challenging, a good relationship with my mother, a flexible job at a stable that I loved, wonderful friends, pride in being able to do things for myself, a spot in my school that was neither too high as to have too much pressure, nor too low that it was demeaning, a nice spot in my church community as the girl who knew things and was the really, really good Catholic, two wonderful dogs and a crazy cat, and the ability to come and go as I pleased, and most importantly a wonderful and flourishing relationship with God. In short, I had it good. I had no reason to suspect change.

In the past two years, my GPA has plummeted. I'm now jumping for joy that it's finally at 2. something again. Not a . something. (That was bad!) My relationship with my mom suffered to the point where I contemplated running away, dropping out of school and living on a friend's couch so as to have no contact with her. I haven't been on a horse more than once (and that was dud), much less do things like train them or clean stalls. I haven't wanted to be around my friends who knew me before I got sick, because I didn't want them to see me helpless and have lost touch with or have a shaky relationship with many because of that. And those who have stood by me and helped, I feel indebted to and I have no idea how to repay. I've had to ask for help in things like getting dressed, walking, and eating. (Believe me, there's nothing like having a friend put on your bra for you or feed you supper.) I've had to find a completely new spot in a school where I'm not really near the top. I'm around a bunch of people who are working hard at sainthood and am more one of the "bad kids" than the good in comparison. Thankfully my animals are still alive, but after two years away from them, save a few months, the relationship is way different. And most of all, have gotten very angry with God for not letting me be a nun.

Many of these things happen to a normal teenager/young adult at some point or another. Some things only happen to a few. And some people have way worse things happen. As these things piled up, I realized I was being striped of all the earthly things that were not so important, so I could focus on what is not earthly as is so very important. After wallowing in the pit of self pity and consouling myself with the, "there are children dying in Africa" senario, I am, slowly, trying to let God build me back up. I figure if it took two years to take away the unimportant things, it will take much longer to build up the important ones, but I guess I'm ready to start. I take solace in the fact that God is gentle. I am very happy to know that I am really, truly working towards the good. I think about the girl who went to Christendom having never visited nor even seen a photo, having only talked via e-mail to her "big sister" a few times and a seminarian who went there for a semester. Who stepped on the campus for the first time in August of 2004 wondering which building was St. Lawrence Commons and was scared to death, but was there on God's say so, so she knew it would be okay. Yea, I think I could learn much from her. I told one of my friends that I thought my life was going to be a grand adventure. I think it will be. Especially if God doesn't tell me where I'm going in August untill March. But hey, it's worked so far! :P

Monday, July 03, 2006

A Day On The Town

Today Maggie and I decided to drive around town and take pictures. It was fun.

Here we are at Storybook Land

Only you can prevent forest fires!

Here Maggie's getting "eaten" by the lion water fountain.

Me attempting to ride sidesaddle.

And I found my horse.

Now Maggie just needs a convertable.

Here I am in the wide prarie of NSU.

Maggie and I looking cool.

And us at the beginning of our journey. Why this is at the end, I don't know.