I've done it. I've put the first of my clothes into my suitcase. Granted I won't finish packing until the morning of the 17th, but I have started. It's so weird. The summer has gone by so
fast. Of course there were times I thought it would never end! It's been a hard summer and a wonderful summer at the same time. Actually this is the best summer that I've had in a couple of years. I think (I hope!) I've grown a lot. Who knows, maybe even someday I might be 5' 1". But all joking aside, I think I'm a better person than the one that left Christendom this past May. I'm excited for a new semester to start and sad to be leaving home. Bob and I are finally starting to have the relationship we used to have we used to have when I was small. That makes me happier than I could ever say.
I've still got plenty of things to worry about, of course. Many things in my life are still so uncertain. All along I've said worrying doesn't help, so why do it? I actually think I did a pretty good job about not worrying, up until I was marched to the Mayo. Then I became a basket case and have been since. But things are good. I think the journey that started early Febuary to turn my gaze from inward to outward is actually making good progress. (I know that's a life long journey. I don't think there is a human being who is perfectlly
selfless. But I needed a tutorial!) I'm no Bl. Mamma T by any
means! But I think I can rejoin the human race. That makes me so
happy. I think I'm on my way to becoming a better daughter, friend and student. (Note, I did not say a good
daughter, friend, and student, merely a better
one.) I've started reading Dark Night of the Soul
, and I kid you not, I think St. John of the Cross is my new best friend. I'm only a couple of chapters into it, but I think it's easily the best book I've read (or started, the sanguine that I am) in a looooong
I've finally realized what Sr. Constance had said many years ago. Back when I was, oh, a junior in high school maybe, I had been helping lead a youth retreat. Sr. Constance, a Franciscan sister happened by. (The retreat took place at the school where she worked.) We begged her to tell her conversion story. She replied, "Which conversion story? Life is full of conversions. I have millions of stories I could tell." That always confused me. She had been a Protestant before becoming a sister and that was obviously the story that came to my mind. In the same light, a priest once told me that life was constant metenoia. I just kind of smiled and nodded.
But it really is!
Converting to Christianity, or Catholicism, or becoming a "real" Catholic (instead of the instant "just add Easter and Christmas types"), is a wonderful thing. But staying
requires an almost constant recommitment to what you believe. Not that it has to be a big thing, but every time one prays, and certainly
every time one says the Creed, one reaffirms faith in the Truth. *sigh* Wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. With this reaffirmation comes a deepening of faith.
I'm excited to get back to Christendom to see all my great friends I haven't seen since May (most of who I haven't talked to since then.) But I'm so ready to get back to a place that has twice daily Mass, twice daily confessions, and a generally Catholic atmosphere. Heck, I'd probably even hug the Legion people. (I live near perpetual adoration, so that will actually be a step down.)
So back to the grindestone it is. It'll be strange being a super sophomore. Half my classes are junior and half sophomore. It'll be weird, because I've already started Eng and history and gotten to almost midterm before I had to drop. But I have different professors and the students will all be different. It should be interesting. Either way, I guess I'll just keep working to do everything in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.